ep 459: This Mindset Shift That Changed Everything For Me

Have you ever felt frustrated with your team, or people in general? You know those feelings of:

– Why aren’t they moving as quickly as me?

– If I was doing this, that would never happen. 

– I could do this faster if I did it myself.

– Ugh, I can’t believe this! 

If you’ve thought those thoughts or even said them aloud, you aren’t alone. I’ve been there too.

A while back, I made a massive mindset shift around those thoughts and feelings. I realized that having those negative thoughts and conversations did nothing good for me, my team, or my company. I wanted positivity, productivity, and gratitude instead. 

If this is something you are struggling with, listen in to find out how you can walk away from the negativity and frustrations, and take positive action that will impact your business (and you) for the better. ← This is life changing. Tune in!


Honestly, we’re more than a marketing team — we’re a tactical partner who will care about your business growth just as much as YOU (maybe even more)! We’re here to play the long game and help you create a powerful impact!


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Emily Hirsh:

I would find myself almost every single day in one situation or another, frustrated with my team and not like my whole team, but in situations like, oh my gosh, if I was doing that, it would just be faster for me to do it myself. Or if I was doing that, that would never happen. You know, you know the narrative of, of really feeling like, man, I built a team, I trust someone to do it, and it doesn’t get done how I want it to get done. And it’s really not that hard.

You are listening to the Not For Lazy Marketers podcast, episode number 459.

Hello everybody. Welcome back to the podcast. For those of you guys in the US it’s Thanksgiving week. I can’t believe it. I actually, like, I knew it was Thanksgiving week, but for some reason my mind this morning, I thought it was like November 14th, and then I was like, oh my God, it’s November like 20th. What the heck is happening? And I’m excited. This is a very busy time for us. As many of you probably know in marketing and with your business. We have lots of Black Friday sales holiday promos, cyber Monday. We have something pretty awesome, um, that we’re doing this year for our Black Friday Cyber Monday holiday promo. Um, so keep your eyes open for that. We’ll announce it on actually Black Friday. I didn’t do it super early this year. There’s some people doing it really early and I don’t know, I just chose to do it after Thanksgiving and a really short window because it’s going to be a really, really good deal.

So that is going to launch on Friday. We have our team working so hard this week because probably 85% of our clients are doing a Black Friday promo. So what that means is just a lot more copy, a lot more creative, a lot more strategy, fast turnarounds. It’s a very busy time, so it’s always busy for us this week and really all the way until Christmas, it seems to be busy for a lot of businesses. I get to ask this question a lot. For a lot of businesses, they are like, should I stop ads or slow down ads in December? And honestly, for the most part, with the exception over Black Friday and over Christmas, ad costs might go up, but a lot of people buy in December and it’s some of my clients and even myself, I’ve had amazing months in December.

Especially when you’re targeting the B2B space. But then also if you’re targeting b2c, it’s like Christmas presents and all the things people are buying, people are prepping for a new year. They’re, they’re making those purchases to be able to write off if they’re a business to be able to take action. And so I don’t think that people should pause ads. And usually the repercussions of pausing ads over the few days that it maybe is a little bit more expensive is worse than just paying a little bit more for those ads. Now obviously there’s some cases, I do have a few clients that were waiting to launch, obviously like a live webinar or something until after Black Friday, but just stopping a campaign that’s working is not a good idea. So, okay, today I decided I haven’t done a leadership more personal growth podcast in a while.

And I did give you guys a ton of marketing tips last week and I’ve loved the messages I’ve got from some of you guys implementing these things and trying them out. I think that your favorite episode last week was probably the webinar, uh, engagement and show up Rate one and the strategies I shared in that I’ve had multiple people tell me they tried it out and it worked really great. Tried out one of the strategies there. So if you haven’t tuned in to that episode or those episodes, there’s five of them from last week and they’re very tactical, specific marketing strategies. But I did decide and feel inspired today to do a podcast more around sharing something that I’ve been working on personally. And it does impact your marketing, but it more impacts you as a business owner and a leader. And it’s something that I will very transparently share that I didn’t do well before.

And I didn’t have a lot of awareness around it. And once I did, I’ve really changed and it’s been a very positive thing. And so I think a lot of you guys are gonna relate to this because a lot of you guys have similar, um, not traits as me, but you, you move through the world similar to me. You move really fast. You’re entrepreneurs, you are often, you know, frustrated growing up or frustrated in social situations and, and you guys are all very intelligent. And I think that with that comes ways that we act in the world because we had to deal with that growing up. So for me, I have always felt, and this is where you guys will probably relate, I have always felt frustrated with other people. Like I have always felt like, why can’t people be faster than me or as fast as I go, why can’t people get this as quickly?

And I’ve always felt frustrated when it was like in a setting where I’m working with a team or honestly, even in social situations where I’m just like, oh my gosh, this is taking forever. I don’t understand. And so I’ve put myself in a lot of time situations where I don’t actually interact with a lot of people and I don’t have a ton of friends. And because I get really frustrated by people, and this ca this came up a lot for me in the leadership point where I would find myself almost every single day in one situation or another, frustrated with my team and not like my whole team, but by situations of like, oh my gosh, if I was doing that and I know those of you growing a team, you’ll totally get this. Because I hear this all the time, it would just be faster for me to do it myself.

Or if I was doing that, that would never happen. And you know, you know the narrative of really feeling like, man, I built a team, I trust someone to do it, and it doesn’t get done how I want it to get done, or the quote right way or fast enough. And it’s like, it’s really not that hard. And so a few things that I’ve realized in the last probably like four to eight weeks is number one, that mindset and thinking that way does nothing. And then number two, nobody is gonna be as fast as me. And I don’t say that because like, oh my God, I’m so fast because it’s my business and the ideas come straight from me. So, it’s not like I’m taking direction from somebody else and then having to interpret that into my actions. And the reality is nobody else is gonna care as much as I care about my business.

I can get them to care a lot. And I have obviously amazing team members who care so much about our clients, about their job, about growing, about improvement, about showing up. But at the end of the day, it is my business, right? And if other people could do what I do have their own business, they’d, they’d build the freedom and the flexibility and the financial success that I have built, right? And they don’t. And so that’s okay that not everybody is molded just like me. That would be actually a nightmare if my entire team was the exact same as me. But we get it in our minds that we want that. Like, that would be so much easier. I even do it sometimes to my husband or, or in relationships where it’s like, can’t you just do this? Like I do? Like, it’s so easy, right?

But for him it’s like a different experience and you know, whatever it is, like how I clean something, how I organize something, I know there’s times where I’m like, I would never do that and he probably feels the exact same way about me. And so I would find myself in these situations almost every day where I was frustrated. And you know, I’ll admit like it, it led to sometimes conversations that weren’t productive where I was basically let’s say to to my right hand person or to someone else on my team just complaining about the situation, complaining about the way something was handled, about the way, you know, somebody was acting. And what I realized in the mindset shift I had is that that literally does nothing. And so what I start changing is, number one, like I’m not feeding into that energy anymore.

And I shared this on a podcast last month of, I like to think that I’m not a gossiper or somebody that has that negative energy, but I think it’s really easy to fall into that. And it’s really easy to fall into that in social situations or when something happens in your business to blame a person or to be like, oh my gosh, they’re just not fast enough. If I was doing it, it would be so much better. Like, that’s so stupid, but what does that accomplish? That’s such a negative, like low vibration energy. And so it was about like four to five weeks ago, it was, it was when I was in Montana, I realized like, I am, I am done, I am done with that. And instead I just changed it. I just brought awareness to it. And when a situation came up, I just would say, you know, one sentence of like, that’s really unfortunate, or, you know, that’s not acceptable.

We need to do it this way. And I wouldn’t feed into that back and forth with my right hand or someone on my team that was involved in the situation because it wasn’t productive. And, and, and it really was just like us venting maybe or getting, getting out emotion on something. But, this happens everywhere. This is not just with the team, like I said, it’s with your relationships. It could be with clients, it could be any time that you get frustrated, anytime you get frustrated or you feel like something isn’t necessarily going the way you want it to go or how you would do it or whatever it is, you kind of have two options. You can feed into that like negative energy of just complaining and blaming and, and getting frustrated. Or you can turn it into being productive with it and saying, okay, what actions do we need to take?

Understanding? Like this is part of the game. This is, this is just the way that it is, this is the way it is when you decide to interact with people. And the biggest thing I did is I said, I’m just gonna choose gratitude. And instead of saying, you know, I’m frustrated about this, or, oh my God, I can’t believe this, or Can you believe they did that? I’m gonna say I’m so grateful that they’re here putting in work, doing their absolute best or whatever it is. Like in the situation with my husband, I’m so grateful that he even tried to do this, that he even showed up to do that. You, you have this choice when you’re hit with these situations where you can either feed in to the complaining and to the really, like, I guess it’s like victimization sometimes and just that like negative space that’s just not productive.

Or you can choose gratitude, you can choose seeing it as it is, and then you can take action. And that doesn’t mean that you let people not do their job or that you, you know, let things slide at all. Like, it does not mean that at all. You can still have extremely high expectations and do it in a productive way. And a lot of times I have found myself and honestly in situations where I thought I was super clear about the way that I wanted something. I’m sure this has also happened to you guys where you feel like you’re super clear and you’re like, how could someone mistake that? And then you hear their side and you’re like, oh, those are like three things that yeah, I could have said more clearly. And I think this happens to people who move so fast. And for me, the speed is one of my biggest strengths, but it also can come in as a weakness sometimes because I move so fast, I naturally am gonna miss things or I’m gonna think I was very clear at an expectation or an explanation and I maybe wasn’t.

And so this is where there’s been times where if I take the chance to actually ask questions and use curiosity to say like, why did you end up doing it that way? Or like, can you explain to me where the confusion was with whatever the situation is, I learn how I can then communicate better, but in order for me to get that feedback, I have to choose curiosity over judgment. And I have to choose being in that place where I’m not like feeding into the frustration or that negativity and instead I’m choosing productivity, really communication. And this has just changed so much, much like my, my mental state and how I see my business, how I see my relationships with my team, with my family, with my husband, with friends, even it’s not as much with friends because I don’t tell them what to do, <laugh>, I don’t tell them what to do or have to have like those expectations, but I still do feel like you, you know, it’s a powerful thing to see things from somebody else’s perspective and then be able to take that to learn.

And so I, I really have learned this over the last, you know, four to six weeks and it’s made a huge difference in how I show up because how I used to then show up is I would then get into this like cycle where now I’m frustrated about, um, you know, this situation, I’m feeding into that like, oh my God, how could that happen? That’s so stupid. Can you even believe that? Like, that negative, which is, you know, terrible is saying, it sounds so terrible, but I know you guys know, like I know, you know, getting into that place, I can either do that or I can be productive. And what happens is when I would get into that place, then I’d start going even further. Like, everything is just like not working and I can never, you know, have work life balance or whatever, right?

Our thoughts are crazy. And we will feed all of these stories that are not true. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned through all of this last couple of months in the work I’ve done, it’s that most of the time I think things are way more urgent, way worse than they actually are. And I actually create the anxiety and stress in my mind versus the reality of it. And I know it’s like, I know people used to say that to me and I used to be like, no, but really if you were in this situation, you’d be stressful. Like you’d be stressed. And I wouldn’t believe them when that, like people would say that to me, but now I’ve learned how to take this space or, you know, do whatever I need to do to calm my nervous system down that I can see it clearly.

Like I could have gone into that situation one of two ways. I could have gone into it very calm, very matter of fact, and taken that and then, or I could have gone into it like super stressed and panicked. And I, I think this is, I hope I’m doing it justice with my words because it actually is life changing to live your life in that more calm, proactive energy than frantic mad all the time. Frustrated. Like it doesn’t have to be like that. And the thing is, if you are living that way, the hard truth is it’s likely you that’s causing that. And I think that’s the thing that hurt the most. Once I realized that it’s not the other people not moving fast enough, it’s not people not doing a good enough job to my expectations, it’s not any of those things.

It’s actually me. It’s my energy, it’s my inability to listen back. It’s how I’m showing up. And again, this doesn’t mean people get away with not doing their job. Absolutely not. I can set clear expectations and if those, and, and, and as long as I provided the resources and the training and the support to meet those expectations, if they’re not met, then that’s valid reasons to have a different conversation. But going off of like feelings and panic is not cool and it’s not going to be productive. So that is one of the coolest parts about this is as you, as a leader work on yourself, you’re able to actually impact everybody else around you. And that’s one of the most rewarding things for me about, you know, working on myself and working on my mindset. But it’s always so interesting to me when I realize something and I have this shift like I have around this and I’m like, I didn’t even know I was doing this.

Like I didn’t have awareness around this. And it’s almost like you have to be open to it because people can say things to you that just don’t register. And that’s one of the reasons in content, you just repeat a lot of things because today might be the day that someone actually is able to, to receive it and is able to take action on it. And, and I also think another thing I’ll share with this is anytime you have some sort of growth or mindset shift or whatever, it’s not like you have that shift and then you’re gonna just be like that forever. For me, this is going to be something that I’m constantly gonna have to practice in really intentionally because my default is still not this, like I have to try to do this in a situation and I have still caught myself not doing it a few times.

I’m just a lot more aware of it and then I can pull it back and I can change what I’m doing. And I think that that’s another thing people get confused on is they feel like they’re maybe doing it wrong because it’s so hard for them or because they have to try so hard to do it or because their default is not that. And I think one thing I’ve learned, you know, working with amazing mentors or just knowing amazing people is it’s not that that’s their default acting that way or showing up that way is not their default. They intentionally do that every day. And so for me, I intentionally choose, sometimes I’ve even written it down on a sticky note if I want to, like, I am a present and grounded leader, or I am going to only have productive conversations, not based on emotion.

And actually writing it down does work. So if you’re trying to work on something, like put it right in front of your desk, but I think realizing like this is not something that I’m gonna do this podcast. And for some of you it may not land today, it may be like, either I don’t feel like I do that, or I don’t need this right now, or I can’t really comprehend how I would really implement this for others. You’re gonna be like, oh crap, I am doing this every single day in my life. And once you have the awareness, that’s like the biggest thing. Once you truly have the awareness and it’s not somebody else trying to give you the awareness, but you brought it to yourself, that is the biggest step because I feel like as soon as I had the awareness, I could catch myself doing it and I’m like, oh, we’re gonna change.

We’re gonna do something different here. But it’s still an intentional choice for me. I still could easily slip back into what my, honestly, what my default still is. Of course it’s my default. I’ve done that for 28 years. Like that’s the way that I, you know, I clearly got this from growing up somehow and it’s what’s ingrained in me. And so you’re not going to undo that in even a year or two years. Like it takes every day a choice. And I still will slip up, I probably did it this weekend with my husband, like I do all the time, this is a choice for me. And so anytime you also have this understand like you’re not, you’re not less than or doing it wrong if it’s, if it’s difficult for you, I feel like for a lot of us, we have to be intentional with the way that we show up.

And that is the best leaders, they are intentional with every, with their energy, with the words that come out with the way that they show up every in, every way, every day. And it’s not something that you can just let slip. So if this resonated with you, I challenge you to just observe yourself today, this week. When you get into situations that are frustrating for you, what is your go-to reaction and is it productive or is there opportunity for you to show up a different way? And what would happen if you did show up in that different way? What would it mean for you and your own happiness? Honestly, because this has made me a lot more calm because I wasn’t fe I was before. I was feeding into like, oh yeah, Emily, you have a reason to be so upset and blah blah, blah.

Like that’s just why that’s not productive. I can’t do productive things from that place. It also wasn’t productive for the people around me, especially for the people I was trying to teach and, and show the example of how to be a leader. And so look at that and ask, what would it mean if you shifted that, those interactions, what would that mean? And honestly, this can be also put into every place of your business. Like if we even just look at your marketing, let, let’s actually use this example. How many times do I hear people go, well, Facebook ads just don’t work for me. Or it was x y Z’s fault that this didn’t work and like this was so stupid and ClickFunnels blah blah blah or this, and, and blame that, right? And that’s the same thing, it’s just not to a person. And so it’s choosing to look at things that way versus say, okay, let’s just step back and objectively look at this and say, okay, this one piece didn’t work, but here’s what we could do better.

And you know, I’m not gonna say like, this thing doesn’t work for me and this is so stupid and nothing is working and everything is so bad because that’s such a bad place to be out of. And you know what happens is that ends up probably becoming true because you believe that, right? So if you believe Facebook ads don’t work for you, or you believe that your business can’t grow or that marketing isn’t gonna work for you, or that selling is really hard or that people don’t like your product or that you can’t grow your list, or that you’re gonna have super high lead costs, all those things are gonna come, come true because you’re showing up and you’re already just saying that’s the way it is. And so you can change that and you, and I think that there’s a difference between just being like, okay, let’s just believe it and change it.

And then also pairing that with action. But being able to show up and look at it in that productive way and the gratitude thing has been huge for me too. So what can you do in situations where you’re super frustrated, pause and, and find a second of gratitude because that just goes so it’s just a different perspective. And this can come up in so many ways. Like let’s say you’re traveling and your flight’s delayed or whatever, and like those really frustrating situations, I guarantee you, you can always find gratitude and you can show up in a different way than spiraling, frustration, anger, all those things. So this is going to apply to you in whatever way like that you have the most work to do and you have the most opportunity to really show up differently as a leader. And the cool thing is, like I said, it will impact everybody around you, especially if you are growing a team and you are impacting others with your leadership.

So I hope you guys thought this was helpful and um, enjoyed me sharing it. And the cool thing is I share these things with you guys such real time. Like I just am learning this. This has been the last month for me and there will be more of these and you guys get to see, I mean, I was just looking like, how are we on episode 4 59 of the podcast. When I started this podcast, I was a completely different person. And so you guys get to see that evolution and there will be many more. I’m sure there’s plenty of things that I do right now that I could improve or I could shift and change and I will, as the time is right, as that’s exactly what I need to get to the next level. As I’m able to bring awareness to it as I’m, as I’m ready to hear it and, and listen to it from mentors, then I’ll make the changes.

Cuz there’s things I know that I could do better, but they’re still my default and I haven’t prioritized them yet and it hasn’t clicked for me yet, but I’ll, you know, I’ll get there. There’s always that opportunity for growth and it comes with the experience, it comes with showing up every day and it’s often times exactly what we need to be able to get to the next level. And I know this is what I needed to be able to truly build out my level of management below me because I could not have five managers doing what I was doing, like it wouldn’t work. The team would be a mess. So I had to learn this and then show up differently for my business to continue to grow. All right, everybody, have a wonderful Thanksgiving if you are celebrating. I hope you guys take time to relax, be present, even if you’ve got sales going on in your business, be present with your family. Um, if you’re not celebrating Thanksgiving, then take a little time to do that too this week and keep your eye out for your Friday. We will be launching our Black Friday and slash Cyber Monday deal. It’s gonna be the best one of the year. Be a huge, huge deal, and it’s going to only be available for just a few days because it’s such a great deal. So keep your eye out for that. If you’ll watch email, my social and the podcast, you will find it. All right everybody, I will talk to you later.

Thanks for listening to the Not for Lazy Marketers podcast. If you love this episode and want deeper support with your marketing, head over to helpmystrategy.com to see how Hirsh Marketing can help take your marketing to the next level. No matter where you’re at today, we help our clients scale faster than ever, find hidden leaks in their funnel, experiment with new creative marketing strategies, and help their business explode and be more profitable than they ever dreamed possible. Head over to helpmystrategy.com and see if you qualify for a free strategy audit with Team Hirsh.