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What happens when you finally get out of your head, into your body, and allow yourself to experience all of you?

In this episode, I’m sharing one of the most profound experiences I’ve had yet: an 11-hour somatic immersion with my mentor, Samson, supported by a small dose of psilocybin.

I’m also sharing why I’m entering a completely different era of my life. One where I want to slow down, create more white space, and show that you can be wildly successful without rushing around and being busy all the time.

Key Takeaways

• The emotional pattern behind so much of my success that I didn’t recognize until now
• What an 11-hour somatic immersion revealed about my relationship with doing and achieving
• What I discovered when I finally allowed myself to experience all of my emotions

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READ THE EPISODE TRANSCRIPT

Emily Hirsh:

Are you operating from a place of full truth? . Speaking your truth is really hard. . How many times did you hold back something that you wanted to say because you’re protecting the other person, because you don’t want them to feel uncomfortable, you don’t want them to get hurt? But it’s still the truth, and the truth is not right or wrong, it just is. . it takes energy and capacity to be honest with yourself and with others because you have to hold the energy of someone’s response and hold the space for that, and sometimes we don’t have that

Embodied CEOs don’t chase trends. They pave the way they lead from within. Move by purpose, unshaken by noise. When you are the source, you do not need permission.

Hello, everybody. Welcome back to the podcast. I literally cannot believe that we’re almost in October, and I feel like everyone feels that way. I don’t know. I think because I had so much travel that it was almost like time as I thought it was stopped because I didn’t know what day it was or anything for a long time.

And then all of a sudden, I emerged, and here we are going into Q4. Wild. Um I, I’m excited for today’s episode. It’s gonna be one of those just ch- chatting and we’ll see where it goes episodes. I am, I’m feeling so grateful. A life update for those of you guys who follow along with a lot of my, my life updates and things.

My kids started a new kinda part-time school, and they are thriving. And I was just thinking this morning after I dropped them off like, there’s no better feeling in the world than when your kids are thriving. And when they’re just able to, like, they’re happy, they’re full of life, they’re able to be, you know, in all different ways pursuing what they love.

They’re learning, they’re growing. Like, there, there is no better feeling in the world than that as a, as a mom, as a parent. So we decided as my kids were getting older, like especially my oldest at 11, we were doing homeschooling and they were going to this farm school a couple days a week, but the farm school was really like a lot more younger kids.

And so for my two older kids, I wanted to find something different. And as incredible things happen, I just… I didn’t even put that much energy into it, and it was like all in one week somebody I know told me about this school, and then the farm school kinda fell through, and then I was like, “Okay, we’ll go tour that school.”

And I was super chill about it. I was like, “Well, we’re going on our trip. You know, we’ll have ’em start later.” Like, I don’t really… I’m not like a hardcore, my kids have to be like great on tests and education and, a- and everything. Like, they are extremely brilliant outside of the traditional schooling system.

Anyways, we found this school, so they are going there three days a week. It’s a super cool concept. It’s like o- one teacher to 10 kids, and they’re not in grades, so they’re like in their level, their individual level for math, for science, for reading. So they might be higher, they might be lower. Like, they go to the teacher that they should go to based on their level, which I love, and then it’s a lot of individual attention.

It’s definitely more schoolwork than they were doing but my kids are loving it. They’re like, they’re like fine with it. They’re , they’re super excited. So all three of them are going three days a week, and then two days a week we’re still doing homeschooling. Basically, they give them work to do because mostly for me, between sports and school, I just feel it’s too much.

Like, the, you know, seven hours a day, five days a week of them out of the house and then come home and then go to their activities. That was one of the reasons that I personally switched us to homeschooling three years ago was ’cause I was like, “I don’t wanna live in this kinda rat race of like get my kids up and rush out the door and do this.”

And so it’s really a perfect balance. It’s like Tuesday, Thursday I let them sleep in and just have a chiller day. My nanny is homeschooling them with my support, takes them on field trips. They do more like experiential days, and then they do their schoolwork, and then now they’re in school three days a week, and they are so happy.

So that’s a life update, a little change. For us. And I went into the school, and I think some parents who go to that school are probably, like, very focused on the education ’cause it is a private school, and I was, like, so chill. I’m like, “Look, I don’t really have goals for my kids’ education. Like, I want them to be, you know, somewhat on track.

They’re all ahead right now, so that’s great. But I want them to have fun, and I want them to be good humans, and I want them to not lose their passion for learning, and I want to find what they love and let them do more of that.” And I was like, “I don’t care about college. I don’t care about tests. I don’t care about grades.”

And I think they were like, “Okay.” For my kids, I’m like, I’m very non-traditional. I believe in not really teaching kids to read until they’re seven like they do in Norway. Like, I think that is the way. I’m like, “I’m not gonna be like a lot of the parents.” I want no screens. That’s another thing about the school.

I’m like, “I want no screens and no tablets, and I want my kids to be good humans, and I want them to think critically, and I want them to love learning. And I don’t wanna dim that light in them by forcing them to do things that don’t make sense and they’re never gonna use in the future. That’s all I want.”

So anyways, there’s a little life update. I figured today I wanted to, I wanted to chat through… I had a really incredible experience last week, and I, I was, like, driving to the studio today, and like, “Do I share about it? Do I not share about it?” I have changed so much, you guys. Like, if I, if I think back three years ago when I kind of started on my journey of, like, going to retreats and, and personal development, like, there was a very clear transition where I went from only going to, like, business events.

Everything was business events, networking you know, masterminds. I was in the Inner Circle Mastermind. I was in another business mastermind. Like, that’s all I did, is really focus on growing my business. And I made this very clear transition about probably three years ago. Like, whenever I went to the Wild Woman Retreat, if you know, you know, where I made this transition where I realized that the most amount of growth that I’m gonna see in my business in every single area in my life is gonna happen when I grow myself.

And I’ve changed so much in the sense that every time an experience like that would happen, like I’d go to a retreat, go to Joe Dispenza You know, whatever, go to Costa Rica, do, do something. I would come and, like, have this like, “I need to share this huge takeaway and this big event and nothing’s ever gonna be the same,” and like it was slightly ego-driven without me realizing it.

To now, I’m kind of like sick of that. I’m, I’m like, “Do I even share this experience?” Like, you know, because it… They are big peak experiences where, where you have these big experiences and you kinda never go back. Like, that’s the thing about embodied experiences when you have them, you, you remember.

It’s not even an… It’s not even something you learn, you remember something. You remember a truth, and you remember, you know, pieces of you, and then you never go back. Like, because you can’t. I mean, you could. Your external environment definitely will try to pull you back, but if you integrate well, you never really go back.

But also, there’s two things. Like, one, those experiences are never… You’re gonna continue to have those, especially if you’re on the path of wanting to grow yourself. I really value growth. I think that is something that I am, you know, very much here to do, is I always wanna grow and evolve and challenge myself to expand, to, to get out of my own way, to remember.

So I’m always doing that. And then also, I think that you can do that too much. And you can become a little addicted to the peak experiences, and they can also become a distraction. So there has to be this integration. So I was like, “Do I share the experience? I don’t really… I don’t know. I don’t really care.”

But I did share it with my mastermind, and they were all very curious about it. And honestly, like, it is, it is real. But I have changed so much in the sense that even, even this last round, I’m like… Or this last thing that I did on Friday, I’m like, “How much of what I share comes from a place of ego?” And it’s hard to say that But I think most of us operate from wounds in one way or another.

Not all the time, but they’re there. And those wounds often come from a place of feeling like we’re not whole. There’s something wrong with us, we’re broken, we’re too much, whatever the stories are. And so when you have that and you create content, you can, without realizing it, find yourself in a place where you’re creating content for validation or to feel whole and to feel, to feel that connection that you are really lacking within yourself.

And this, this last experience I had, that’s something that I was sitting with all weekend, is I was like, “How much of my content?” I don’t know the answer yet. You know what? I try not to have anything come from that place. But naturally, if we’re being honest, when you create content, and especially on social media, it is designed to give you those dopamine hits and that validation, and your brain really likes that, and your ego really likes that.

And I’m like, “What if I run everything through the filter of, is this here to serve somebody else or make me feel better? And which one is it?” So I sat with that for this podcast episode. And I want it to be not about me. I, I’m gonna share my experience, but I want to just kinda share my thoughts after it.

Like, what would I tell myself five days ago if I was sitting here? And make it about you guys while sharing my experience. So Samson I’ve had on my podcast before. If you’ve been to any of my events, he hosts the breathwork at my events. He’s such an incredible mentor of mine. I’ve worked with him for three years, and he’s changed my life.

And if you go back and listen to that episode, it was such a good episode. We should do another one, because I’ve changed so much, and so I think it would be a good conversation. And so he has this new opportunity where he basically spends, like, an immersion. So usually when I work with him, it’d be, like, two hours, maybe three hours of, like, somatic work and breathwork, talking and having a, a, you know, a small experience.

And I did that for a long time, about, like, once every four to six weeks. I did that for probably a year. So he came to my event in July, and we had a conversation, and he told me about this opportunity, and I was like, “I really wanna do that,” because I love the idea of a- an immersion. And so basically…

Like, it’s hard for me to describe the way that he represented it, but it’s kind of like a, a, a deep immersion into everything you get to confront, and sit with, and I don’t even wanna say the word process because it’s not what it’s about, where it’s like there’s nowhere to hide. And it could go as long as five hours, six hours.

We went 11 hours. And I trust Samson immensely, and he knows me really well, and so that’s a very special, unique relationship because we don’t need to, like, have a lot of context or e- even, you know, pre-work that had to be done. Like, he just knows me. So I was like, “I wanna do that experience.” And, and I always go into these experiences no matter what with I don’t really have an expectation of what I’m gonna get out of them.

I am just open to whatever because I’ve learned that if you go into these things going like, “I’m gonna solve this problem, and I’m gonna heal this wound, and I’m gonna do this,” it’s like it never works that way. You get exactly what you need. So I always go into these really open and trusting, and I trust him.

So we did do this, what he would call assisted, which means I did take psilocybin, a small dose. Honestly, a small dose. I’m highly sensitive to any psychedelics. So I also hesitate to share that because I used to share it a lot more on the podcast. I, I very rarely take any psychedelics. It- after I went to a Joe Dispenza, I realized, like, meditation was the ultimate of getting me to that place.

However, I am somebody who it’s very challenging for me to get out of my head and to surrender and to not try to, like, control the situation, and so I knew a little bit of assistance would help me go deeper. I hesitate sharing it because I have such mixed feelings about the world of psychedelics. I think it’s very overused.

I think that it’s become glamorous to do it, and I think there is oftentimes a huge lack of integration. And at the same time, I think they are an incredible tool and medicine when used properly in the right setting and with the right facilitator and with the right intention. And that was one really cool thing about this experience is we actually, like, honored the fact that this was a live A live, you know, mushroom basically, and asked it permission to work with me, and asked my body permission to work with it, and it was probably the, the most beautiful kind of pre-setting that I’ve had in that experience.

But I knew that that would allow me to go deeper, and it absolutely did. Like, I could not have gotten to where I did without that support. And so like I said, both things are true. I think it’s an incredibly beautiful tool that should be considered in many cases if someone feels called to it. I mean, obviously there’s tons of actual research out there, especially on psilocybin today of, of the amazing things that it can do for people.

And I think it’s, it’s overused sometimes and people just kinda switch from, you know, the thing that they numbed with to another thing in the like, in the name of psychedelics and because it’s so popular. You need to integrate. You need to be respectful of it. You, you need to treat it like medicine.

You need to also integrate it. Like, that’s the most important thing. You can have this peak experience of whatever it is, and if you don’t integrate it, it’s a waste of time. You know? And then people go chase the next peak experience. So I just feel like I wanna say that. And when I say it, if you feel any judgment, I understand and I invite you to not discredit anything else that I say on here if that judgment comes up because I get it.

Probably about like six years ago I first heard about mushrooms and psychedelics, and that was actually my reaction. Like, I get it. My reaction was like, “I would never do that,” you know, “That’s a drug,” whatever. And so I understand, and that came from my conditioning and programming as a kid and just like how I grew up.

but if you’re open-minded to it, and I don’t think it’s for everyone, and I think that you should be called to it, like you should genuinely feel curious about it and feel like it might be right for you. I don’t think it’s right for everyone. But anyways, I don’t want it to discredit the experience c- because I think people sometimes wave it off and they’re like, “Oh, well, she did psychedelics and mushrooms and that’s just bullshit, so I’m gonna ignore everything.”

So anyways, wanna set that tone. So anyways it was a, an experience that was like open-ended how long we’re gonna go, and what I… We did a, we did a really beautiful like prayer in the beginning and asked you know, d- did a meditation, tuned in, asked for my intention, and I, I never overthink those. Like the immediate thing that came up, I asked my heart what’s my intention, and it was to be held.

To be held by something bigger than me, to feel held. That was my intention. And so I took a very honestly low dose of mushrooms, s- psilocybin, and I am highly sensitive, so it was the right amount for me. and anyways, I’m not gonna go through the entire experience, but f- for me, like the, the highlight of this experience was I was able to fully get out of my head, which I’ve been there before, but I was out of my head for a long time, and I was in my body for a long time while completely out of my head, and essentially went through layers upon layers of processing emotions.

And it was honestly so beautiful. There was a point where Samson asked me, like, “If you could describe what you’re feeling, what is it?” And I said, “Waves. It’s waves.” It’s like waves of not just bad emotions, it was waves of grief, and I … The, the deepest depths of this, like, sorrow, like from my gut, of, of crying and sorrow and grief, and then it was love.

Like, my kids, and I would f- and feel that just, like, overwhelming love, and it was love, and it was joy, and it was, like, these waves of all these emotions that I was just in it and processing it. And I realized … So I went for, for a while, and then I, I had to get up and go pee , and I was, like, laying there and I was like, “I don’t wanna get up, but I really have to go pee.”

And I saw myself in the mirror after this, like, hours of just … It was, it was, like, being fully present in my body, waves upon waves of emotion. And it’s like this is what it feels like to be alive. This is the human experience. We are here to experience all of these emotions and the spectrum of them, and we’re so scared of it.

Like, at least I know I am. I, I … You know, we do … Our brain, we do everything to not experience the emotions of grief, of sadness, of fear, of anger, all these things. Like, I looked in the mirror and I, I- it was like I saw myself for the first time. you know, I had been bawling. Like, not e- even present to it, but in, in, and in these waves of not even just grief, grief, r- rage, happy, love, like, everything. And I looked in the mirror and I, like, just looked… I looked wild.

That’s what I felt like, but not in a bad way. And I came out and Samson was like, “I’ve never seen this version of you. Welcome.” And I looked at him and I said, “She’s wild.” Like, this is the, this is me when I can experience all of me. And that was the m- the most beautiful piece of it, was just getting to not even…

Like, allowing me to be with all of me, and to allow all of those waves. Because after that happened… I mean, so we went 11 hours. Obviously, there was, like, way more stuff we did. We did stuff with, like, my younger self and my parents and, like, bringing them up and, like, a bunch of stuff. But we did some more, like, body r- like, really cool like, releasing things out of my body, like this tremor response.

It was a whole process. But I think the biggest thing that I’m taking away, that if I were to tell myself… But here’s the thing with embodied experiences, if I told myself this five days ago, I wouldn’t have listened. I would’ve been like, “I don’t know what you mean.” Like, I can’t comprehend it in my body and in my nervous system because it’s not making sense in my head.

But I realize that I am actually someone who’s highly sensitive, highly emotional. as a kid, this was labeled often as too much, too intense, and people couldn’t handle it. Adults couldn’t handle it. No one could handle it. And so very early on, probably if I go back, like, age four or five, I adapted to that, and I became hypervigilant of other people’s emotions, other people’s discomfort, other people’s fear or pain or hurt.

And I would start accommodating myself. M- like, I, this is why I’m actually so good at marketing, is because I know exactly how when something is said or someone experiences something, I already know how they’re gonna feel. So I can adapt the experience and then create the connection. But what c- what that creates is this hypervigilance of me constantly, essentially abandoning myself, quieting myself, turning myself down to make somebody else comfortable.

Not like I’m gonna be rude to somebody, but in just being honest. That’s the thing. Like, I… Y- everyone talks about this, but I d- I didn’t get it to the level I get it today as, like, speaking your truth, right? People say that all the time. Speaking your truth is really hard. Because if you’re gonna be fully…

Like, think, reflect on your last week. How many times did you hold back something that you wanted to say because you’re protecting the other person, because you don’t want them to feel uncomfortable, you don’t want them to get hurt? But it’s still the truth, and the truth is not right or wrong, it just is.

And at one point, Samson said to me, like, “Is a tree just a tree?” And I was like, “Yeah.” And he’s like, “So it’s not right or wrong. Like a tree just is. It is a tree.” The truth just is. It’s not right, it’s not wrong, but it is the truth. And how much energy it takes and capacity it takes to constantly be somewhat filtering the truth to protect other people.

And this doesn’t mean just go out and be rude, but it means saying, “This is how I feel. This is how I perceived that. This is my expectation. This is what I need.” And then being able to separate yourself from their response, and that’s the piece that I think I now have in my body. Like I can see it. Now for me, the loop was that I made myself wrong.

Like I made myself bad, wrong, too much, and was operating from that core belief. Like you could say to me logically that that’s not true, but I didn’t believe it. So I was operating from a place of I’m bad, I’m wrong, I’m not enough, whatever. And so then I will accommodate when I go into a conversation or I go into a relationship because I already believe that, and so I will not speak my actual truth, what I really think, what I really feel, and then be able to disappoint someone, be able to upset someone.

We know this logically, right? Somebody else’s reaction is never about us. It’s not I know this, and I still… It’s very challenging to get yourself to a place where you can stand in that place and believe it. And that’s what took me. It was hours. And I would I was kind of like, not resistant, but it was like I wasn’t gonna just…

I was in a place where I didn’t care in this experience, that I was like, “I’m not gonna just accept this because it sounds good. I’m gonna fight you, Samson, until I actually believe it.” So he’d say something to me, and I’d be like, “I don’t believe you. I don’t believe you that there’s something not wrong with me.

I don’t believe you that I’m not too much, that I don’t hurt people. I don’t believe you.” And we’d go in these, like… And he’s like, “You don’t have to believe me yet. You don’t have to believe me. Like, but we’re gonna see it this way. We’re gonna see it this way.” Like, until we finally got to the place where he allo- I was able to connect with, like, four or five-year-old me and actually bring up a visual of her.

And then in that place, I realized if I look at her, right, that’s the re- that’s the real me. That was me before any outside influence allowed me to dim that light or allowed that voice to come forward. And if I’m to look at her and connect with her, there’s nothing wrong with her. She’s not too much.

That’s her magic. Like, I could see that child and being so full of life, like, just so full of life and passion, and what she wanted was others to just experience that with her and to be able to handle and hold how much she is, which is my magic. And so once I was able to genuinely make that connection, I could believe and go, “Okay.

I believe it now. I can see it,” ’cause that is me. That’s the real me, right? So a- afterwards I think, like, I don’t wanna list out takeaways. You know, w- where am I at? Mostly I just feel, I feel so present After hours and hours of processing emotions, you now are no longer afraid of those emotions. Like, the thing you’re ru- running from those is now no longer what I’m doing.

Like, I can… I’m in my body 100 times more than I was. And I’m able to have that connection, and that’s kind of my intention now is to maintain that connection and to integrate this version. But I think for me, when I looked in the mirror and I had that realization and I said that, all I could do is find those words is, like, he said, “Welcome,” you know, “Welcome to the room.

I’ve never seen this version of Emily.” And I was like, “She’s wild.” Meaning she’s alive. She’s all those things. She’s messy. She’s chaotic. She’s emotional. She’s sensitive. She loves so big. She lives so big. She feels all of it. She feels rage. She feels joy to the peaks. She feels love. She feels all of it. And that is also feminine energy The feminine is not meant to be this, like, linear, “I’m the same every day.”

And I think in the world of business and women who, like me, find themselves a lot of times in the masculine energy, we’re trying to be the same every day. That is not our reality, and that is literally the magic. That is what we’re meant to do. We are meant to feel so much more. That’s, that’s what intuition is.

We’re meant to feel and have the roller coasters and have, have the spectrums of emotion. And you know, for me, I adapted at a young age and took that masculine energy and for… and it turned into my doing. Okay, if I can’t be, if I can’t just be all of me to get love, to be safe, then I will do, and I will manage, and I will, withhold things, and I’ll make sure that what I say doesn’t hurt somebody else, and I’ll abandon myself in order to make sure everybody else feels good, feels comfortable.

Because if I don’t do that, then I might die, was the adaptation. And that’s where a lot of the doing comes from because that’s where I became, where I get my value. If, if my value is not in being and not just who I am, then I’ll do, and I’ll achieve, and I’ll accomplish. And at the beginning of the, the session Samson was like

It was some exercise that I guess he has everyone do, but I was a brat about it. He’s like, “I want you to write out everything that you have accomplished.” And I was like, “Are you kidding me?” Like, I was like, “First of all, that’s gonna take a long time. Second of all, I don’t even remember. Third of all, I don’t care about any of it.”

And he was trying to get me to, like, see all that I’ve accomplished while I still believe these things, or I still operate from this place, and I literally, like, would barely do it. I wrote like five things, and I looked at him, and I was like, “I don’t wanna do this. Like, let me lay down. I don’t wanna do this.

I don’t care about this list. It means nothing to me.” And it was just funny. It was like all the doing that you, that I do, it really doesn’t mean anything to me. ‘Cause at the end of the day, yes, it’s cool But what my heart and my soul craves is being able to be all of me and be held and loved through that.

But that’s not able to happen if I can’t do it for myself. So, you know, moving into this week, I would say another big thing, this always happens to me when I have peak experiences like this, is I become sensitive to fast pace. And I realize how much I operate in a very fast, nonstop pace without realizing it.

And then after I have an experience like that where I become very present and very in my body and very tuned to my body, I no longer want the fast pace. Like, I’m, I’m, like, resistant to it. And I remember this happening after I’d come back from Costa Rica or in experiences like I would slow myself down.

Be like, “We’re not … We don’t have to rush everywhere.” And a- at one point in the ni- in the day, Samson, too, said he’s like, “You’re … I have this feeling you’re gonna get really good at doing nothing.” And he’s like, “And from that place, I think you’re gonna create your biggest and most profound things.” And I think that is kinda the era that I’m going into.

I wanna be the example to myself and to others that you can be wildly successful, that you can have an 8-figure business, a team of however many, 20-plus people supporting you so it fully runs on its own. You can be a mom. You can be an athlete. You can do all these things. And you don’t have to rush around and be busy all the time That you can live your life from that place of white space, not doing nothing.

I don’t wanna do nothing. I do wanna be able to say, “I have a full day where I’m gonna go for a walk, I’m gonna hike, I’m gonna create,” and I know that that’s productive. It’s not that I wanna sit around and watch TV. That’s not me. I want to see doing nothing as productive because I know it leads to my best creativity and connection to what’s greater than me, and I want to show that you can do that and be wildly successful, financial success, all of it.

And I do think that’s kinda my next era. When I s- I went to a energy worker, like, four months ago, and I remember she kept saying to me, “All I feel in your energy is that you need to slow down.” She’s like, “I need… You need to talk slower. Just slow your energy down, slow your pace down, and you’re gonna unlock so much.”

And I keep forgetting. I keep forgetting that, so my intention is to not forget that. And if that’s a reminder you needed to hear, because I don’t think slowing down means, like, being lazy. It means just being intentional, being present, being in your body, being connected. And so much of that, like, fast pace, and I, I do it all the time, pack my days to the brim.

I’m going, you know, from my house to my office, and as I’m driving, I’m responding to voice messages, and I’m walking in, I’m responding to voice messages. Like, I’m rushing around. And my challen- not my challenge, my intention this week is to not do that, is to, is to slow it down because I don’t want to lose how I feel right now, which is very present and grounded And in my body and in tune with my body.

And the other piece is, like, I am so ready to be so honest. And this com- this is in intimate relationships. This means with my brothers, with my parents, with my husband, with my friends. I’m honest on here ’cause there’s no consequence. I can be honest on here and I’m, I don’t care if I hurt someone ’cause there’s no, like, direct there’s no direct intimate consequence.

It kills me to hurt somebody in an intimate relationship. I take it on. I take on their pain. I take on their fear. I take … You know, I think highly sensitive people understand that. Now, you may not have known that I’m highly sensitive ’cause I’m real good at hiding it. M- the armor and the, the mask that I wear is, like, I’m this direct, tough you know, CEO with high expectations.

Yeah, I am, but oftentimes in order for me to be that way, I have to create a, a wall, and I have to compartmentalize the relationship because if, because I care so much about other people and I take on … I can feel their emotions. I’m, I’m highly empathetic, and I don’t think most people know that. And I think that often comes

Like, that is so much of what I’ve been able to create is because of that. It’s why in my events I know exactly what to say to someone without them even speaking, because I can feel the energy. I’m very intuitive, very connected, but I ma- I have made that a, a bad thing or a too-much thing because I couldn’t be that way because instead of able to be that way and stand grounded in my own truth, I take it on and I can’t handle that.

So then I become trying to hypervigilant avoid that from happening. What does that create? It creates disconnection everywhere. And when Samson or someone asks me what I want, they’ll … For the last year, this is what I’ve said. I want deep connection, and I wanna feel alive. Well, guess what? Those two things are not coming without me being able to be fully honest in every situation, and I’m not talking about

I’m talking about honest with where I’m at, honest in how I feel, honest in what I need, honest in, in, in something that came up for me, honest without tying myself or taking on somebody else’s response to that honesty because that is theirs, and I can do it with love and respect and compassion, but it’s still my truth.

The second thing is if you wanna feel alive, you have to be honest with yourself in all of you, all of the emotions. Now, there, there’s obviously something there with those emotions do not define you Right? You’re not gonna be this rollercoaster where you, you can’t show up because you decided you’re sad or mad that day.

No, it’s about allowing those emotions, giving them the space, moving them through your body, and creating with them. Because I am realizing, especially as women, that’s our magic. Like, that’s our intuition, that’s our connection. We are here to feel. That’s, that’s how we were designed. And at least for me, I spent 25 years suppressing that and avoiding that and running from that because it felt so scary.

But I think after hours and hours of me just sitting in it, I realized, like, it’s not that scary. It’s actually beautiful. It’s beautiful, it’s chaotic, it’s raw, it’s, it’s me, and she is wild. She is wild. I’m like, “She is wild. She is untamed. This is her, so get ready.” I have no idea if there’s a takeaway in that episode.

I don’t even know, you know, what I would say for you guys to go do, ’cause obviously it was a very personal experience for me. But I hope that maybe it gives you a reflection on are you operating from a place of full truth? Think about it. I don’t think many people fully are. Like, I think there’s always a place that we’ve decided to not share our truth because it was easier not to.

It’s easier not to. It takes energy and capacity to be honest with yourself and with others because you have to hold the energy of someone’s response and hold the space for that, and sometimes we don’t have that At one point in it, Samson asked, “Do you want your kids to see a mom who’s fully honest and in her truth, or one that constantly is trying to make sure that they feel okay?”

I was like, “Obviously honest. I want my kids to see that because I want them to be that way. I want them to have permission to be that way.” And you know, how many times do we protect our kids from something ’cause we don’t want them to feel? That is taking away an opportunity for them to have an experience as a human that is going to grow them and expand them.

That is not the job of a parent, a mom, a parent, to protect your kids from negative emotions. It’s to help them manage and lead themselves through that. And it’s hard to do that. Like, you feel the pain when your kids feel pain, but it’s not our job.

So I want my kids to see a radically honest, free, liberated, wild mom because, especially for my daughter, that is how I want her to show up. She’s not too much. Like, there was a point where my daughter came into the experience, and I think that was one of the most intense… Like, I just… I was at the peak of my, the mushrooms, and I had this experience where it was like we were one.

My daughter was me. I am her. My mom is me. I am her. Like, there was no separation. And I started crying so hard, and Samson was like, “What’s wrong?” And I… Or like… No, he didn’t say, “What’s wrong?” He said, like, “What are you feeling?” And I said, “I just love her so much.” Like, so much love for my daughter and my mom.

and then I was able to access, like, younger me through my daughter. And I said… And he said, like, “How would you describe her?” And I said, “She has a huge heart, and she’s often misunderstood.” And that was me, right? And it’s, like, so beautiful. Our kids, our kids come in to teach us so much. So all right, guys, I promise I’ll do a, I’ll do a marketing specific podcast for Thursday.

Just felt like why not share it? Why not? So you’re gonna watch the new version. We will call this version of Emily the wild, the untamed, and the free version, and a whole new level. Okay, I’ll talk to you guys on Thursday. Thanks so much for listening.