→ Embody the CEO you can be, with a marketing plan to hit your next level. Early Bird Pricing for Embodied Marketing LIVE is now available: https://get.embodiedmarketing.com/live

I don’t know how to just be.

In this episode, I’m sharing a raw experience of sitting with myself and realizing how much of my life has been built on doing, achieving, and chasing.

I talk about what came up when I asked myself who I am without everything I’ve created… and not having an answer.

I share what it feels like to sit in that discomfort, the voice that tells me I’m not enough, and why even in moments that should feel really good, I’m not fully there.

Key Takeaways

• You are not your goals
• Sitting in a room by yourself is the hardest thing you’ll do as an entrepreneur
• What I’m doing to enjoy my success (and not lose myself chasing the next thing)

 ___________________________________

More ways Embodied Marketing can support you:

Turn your expertise into consistent revenue. Funnels, strategy, launches—everything done for YOU. Apply here: https://get.embodiedmarketing.com/app

SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW THE PODCAST!

Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of the Embodied Podcast! If this podcast has added value and helped you in your business journey, please head over to Apple Podcast, subscribe to the show, and leave us an honest review.

Your reviews and feedback will not only help us continue to deliver great, helpful content, but it will also help us reach even more amazing entrepreneurs just like you.

♥ LISTEN ON SPOTIFY

READ THE EPISODE TRANSCRIPT

Emily Hirsh:

I don’t know what it would feel like to love and who I really am, because I don’t know who I really am beneath all of that. And I think that is what causes the chase.

So then I sat there and asked myself, “What are you running from?” Because I’m constantly chasing. That’s the truth. And in that chase is such a deep level of emptiness. So I’m seeking from outside of me how to feel whole. Truth is, only I can give that to myself. If I can just be so present, I think magic is gonna unfold.”

Embodied CEOs don’t chase trends. They pave the way they lead from within. Move by purpose, unshaken by noise. When you are the source, you do not need permission.

Hello, everybody. Welcome back to the podcast. I hope you guys are having a great week. We’re in May. The other day, I looked at that, and I’m like, “Oh my gosh, it’s already May,” and we’re going into summer. We’ve had the most beautiful weather in Austin, gotten a lot of rain, and I have been, like, outside as much as possible with my kids.

Today’s episode is gonna be one of those mix of vulnerable share real talk from my heart. We’ll see where it goes. I have zero notes and zero plan, but feel called to have this conversation and share this. And it’s interesting, I did a podcast a few weeks ago about, like, how to show up authentically as a creator and when to share things and, giving things time before sharing.

And this is one of these where I’m actually sharing some real-time takeaways that have been processed but are very much real for me. But I’m just making the call it feels right. Because it’s not about a situation. It’s a lot of internal things. And so this is definitely gonna be a vulnerable share, but I feel called to speak to it in the freshness of it, because I think that it will actually connect with you guys better.

And when I considered sharing this, I just was like, “I have to speak my heart on this,” because I think there are so many of you who are going to relate to kinda these realizations and thoughts that I’m having. the human experience, man. You’re just always evolving. It never stops. alright, so let’s get into it.

So last week, I had the opportunity to hang out with a really good friend of mine for a lot of the week, and I was really unplugged from social and just present. And that led to some really good conversations. And Joe Dispenza calls it the dark night of your soul, when you have the moments where you’re just like…

you hit this point of having to face things that you maybe haven’t been ready to face yet. And because I was on my own, I was solo traveling- I always uncover things when I solo travel and just have experiences because it’s just a lot of time with myself. It’s one of the reasons I love solo travel and have learned to love it because when I do travel on my own, even if I’m going to see someone or I’m going to an event, you still end up getting a lot of time on your own, on the plane, dinner, eating, morning time, and it’s always such a healing experience for me.

And so that was my last week, and I didn’t really talk about my trip, but like I went off social media. Anyways, so one of the nights on the trip, I was by myself and had walked to dinner and just been in my head, but in my body and just processing and kinda sat with something that took back, took me back a few layers and allowed me to process something, and that’s what I’m gonna share here today, which is I actually recorded it on a video for myself because it was so powerful.

And that is this realization. I sat there, and I was, in a conversation with myself, and I sat there, and I said, ” If I were to remove the labels, the titles, mom, wife, CEO, athlete, the accomplishments, the life that I’ve built, all these things that I attach to my name, the public figure I have, the way that I think I’m supposed to show up or even want to show up, the version of Emily that I try to be every day.

If I were to remove all of that and go under the surface,” I sat there, and I asked myself, “Do I know who that person is?” And I honestly, my answer is no. My answer is I don’t. I don’t know. I think that I do know, but I’m disconnected from that. And I think there’s a lot of entrepreneurs that relate to this, that relate to, if you were to remove all the things that we are constantly trying to accomplish, and that’s part of what I’m gonna talk about is like the chase, ’cause I know you guys feel it too just like me, constantly chasing the next thing.

If you were to remove all of that and look in the mirror- Like, it’s a deep question, right? Who are you? And here’s where I even, got deeper with it and had this huge breakthrough is I was like, first of all, I can’t answer the question to that yes. I don’t know who I am underneath all of that.

Second of all, worse than that… I don’t wanna say worse, ’cause that’s a judgment, but heavier than that, I don’t know what it would feel like to love and who I really am, because I don’t know who I really am beneath all of that. And I think that is what causes the chase. And so I sat there and said, “You take all this away, you take all the labels that people give me,” and if you were to say, “Describe Emily,” right?

You would describe business owner, mom, wife, CrossFitter, all these things. But if you were to remove that, who am I? And do I love who I am? Do I even know what that feels like? And my answer was no, and I just was bawling. Bawling over this realization of how much every moment right now of my existence is spent disconnected from that connection to myself.

And I share this ’cause it’s always layers, and I talk so much. I have tattooed on me, “The truth is within,” and I talk so much about you already know the answer and the connection is back to yourself, and I truly believe that. But I hit a point where I’m like, “Oh, there’s a whole other layer to this that I have not uncovered yet.”

so then I sat there and asked myself, “What are you running from?” Because I’m constantly chasing. That’s the truth. If I really look at my life, I am constantly focused on the next thing. even when I tell myself I’m not, it’s disguised as productivity, as optimization. I could even look at my meditation practice, which I have gotten way back deeper into, ’cause it does help me a lot.

But I could even look at that and it’s I’ve figured out how to optimize fricking everything. Because it’s always, what is the next thing we’re trying to accomplish? What’s the next level? What is the next version of us? What is the next goal? And in that chase is such a deep level of emptiness.

And that is what I wanna share, because I think many of you relate. As an entrepreneur, as a high performer, that is usually what we are driven by, is the chase. And so I sat there, and I asked myself the question. I said, “What are you always running from? what are you seeking?”

And right now, my answer to that is I’m seeking the love. I’m seeking the validation. I’m seeking being seen by somebody else or something else or people because I cannot and have not given it to myself. Because if I sit there and ask myself the question of who am I and do I like who I am, and I can’t answer that question yes, that’s what I’m chasing.

And the realization and actual feeling of when I just sit with myself in the discomfort of no optimization, no goal, no, we’re gonna do this retreat, we’re gonna go to Joe Dispenza, we’re gonna do this meditation, like literally just sit with myself, it is so uncomfortable because I don’t know how to do it.

And because the pain of that voice that is running the show, which is you’re not enough, you’re not you’re not loved, the real you, once, when people know that, they leave. Those are the voices that’s running the show, and sitting with those is so painful that I don’t do it. And so I sat there, and I just sat in that awareness, and I sat with the fact that there is this voice that runs the show that does not love or even like myself.

And I want to share this because, yeah, it’s hella vulnerable, okay? but if you look at my life from the outside, what do you think? I have it all. I have the successful company. I have the freedom. I have the beautiful family. I have the healthy body. I can go on trips. I can basically do whatever I want in my life.

And the truth is that I still feel empty at the end of the day, in this moment, and I am constantly chasing to fill that void, and that is what’s built my entire life. It’s the chase.

And so then I realized, and I talked to some mentors, and I have really great friends, and f- you can be in your head, but getting perspective, I realized that the chase is what’s creating the emptiness because the chase is constantly a reminder that there’s lack. Constantly chasing the next goal, the relationship, the friendship that validates things, whatever.

Constantly chasing to fill the feeling of emptiness, but the chase is really what’s creating the emptiness. And, I realized through, through my life has been built on self-abandonment in the name of ambition. And constantly, because I don’t have and have not acknowledged or built or learned how to have that connection truly to myself, to truly feel whole on my own that’s the truth, I don’t.

So I’m seeking from outside of me how to feel whole, and it doesn’t work, so there’s constantly that emptiness. And so my life has been built on a constant reminder of lack. We have to get to the next thing. We have to get that validation. We have to have this close relationship that gives us this and proves to us what we want to desperately so feel.

Truth is, only I can give that to myself. And do I know how to exactly do it? No. I’m in it right now. And not a bad thing. I’m not like, “Oh, I’m in this, terrible season of my life where these bad things are happening or these hard things are happening,” but I’m in a season of my life where I think that my body and heart has realized we can’t keep doing this.

For, I think for a period of time, the accomplishments and the success and the identity that you build is enough. Especially while you’re building it, right? It gets, it gets masked as productive and that-that’s what the whole point is, and you’re building the life of your dreams, and you’re checking all the boxes.

But then there comes a point where the emptiness beneath it gets louder and louder to the point where you can’t ignore it anymore, and that is where I feel I’ve been the last few years. I think my 30th birthday and Having my kids get out of being like the younger kids stage and not being in that survival mode as much anymore and having to then be with myself more has shined the light on this.

And so first what I want to acknowledge is I want to be on here saying, “Look you guys, from the outside I have it all.” I do have it all. I have a beautiful life, like that I am so grateful for, and I am so grateful for all the versions of me that built this life and that persevered and that created, had a vision, and was brave enough to bring that vision to life.

My life is truly incredible.

I can’t be fully present to I don’t actually know what it feels like to wake up on an every and just be … have it be enough. Like I, I truly don’t know what that feels like. And so every day, I get up and I think by pursuing goals or let’s go on another trip, let’s take the kids on a trip, let’s go on a surprise, let’s do these big things, let’s live this big life, that’s gonna fill the void.

And I think after a while you realize it’s not. the truth is I am with my kids a lot. I’m at every activity. I see them, we spend great time together. But if you really ask me if I think I’m a good mom, yeah, I think I check the boxes. I think I have provided a great childhood for my kids, but have I enjoyed it?

Have I been present? Do I know how to be present? Because a lotta times the truth in my life is I’m here, but I’m not really all the way here, because I’m thinking about the next thing, because I’m thinking about the hole, because I’m chasing to fill that hole and wondering what’s wrong with me and why I feel this way.

And it’s that, story that we tell ourselves in many different forms. If I just have this, then I’ll be happy. Once I get this, once we Have this much in our savings, once we can do this to our house, once we have this person in the business or whatever, then I’ll be happy. And then after years of getting all the things and then going, “I don’t really want anything else.”

W- yeah, sure, there’s more things I want, but not really, i’m pretty happy with what I have. And so then what? Then you sit in what I sat in and what I sit in, which is tr- truthfully, I don’t know how to wake up on a, on an average Tuesday

and be present and be here in this human experience because my brain is constantly optimizing everything and chasing the next thing. And as we know, it’s within us. You’re never gonna find it. And so I’ve realized that everything I’ve built has been built by a voice of not being enough.

The business, the life, the CrossFit is all fueling this story of not being enough. here’s also the tricky thing. It creates a lot of success, right? You guys will get this. That voice can serve you for a very long time because I have insane ambition. I have insane drive. You give me a challenge and I will accomplish that challenge.

And so in many ways it does serve me, but there comes a point when you have to face the emptiness. I have tr- truthfully, I have had moments and I have had days where I sit there and I go, “What is actually the point?”

not in a way where I feel like at all suicidal. I wanna be clear about that. But literally sitting here going every day is just like another day of waking up and checking boxes.

getting things done, doing. That’s my whole life, doing. And I have sat there and gone, “What is the actual point?” What is the point? I’m gonna do this for the rest of my life? I’m gonna keep waking up, I’m gonna keep checking boxes, and I’m gonna have those few fleeting moments where we go on an incredible family trip and I feel alive, or we do something crazy in the business, we have some huge impact, my live events.

Those moments I feel alive. I feel present, I feel so much gratitude, I feel alive, but they’re like four or five times a year. And my nervous system is trained to think that is what we’re- what we need to be happy. I took my kids to a creek this weekend right by our house that we never go to.

And I said that with judgment, “We never go to.” we don’t go there very much. I don’t know why, but it rained a ton in Austin, and I was like, “Let’s just go to the creek.” And I’m watching my kids just having the most simple form of fun, playing in a o- it’s not even… it’s not even that cool of a creek, but they thought it was, like, the best thing ever.

One foot of water with their nets trying to catch fish for literally two hours, and they did not wanna go home. And as I’m watching them and I’m sitting there, I’m watching myself not be able to be present. I’m watching myself think about what I still need to do that day. I’m watching myself think about the plan that I could put into place to fix this problem that I feel right now.

Literally, it’s “Okay, what’s the checklist that I need to do to be able to be more?” I’m gonna meditate this much a day, I’m gonna do this, I’m gonna do that, I’m gonna check these boxes. And I’m watching myself as I’m in a moment with my kids, that you fast-forward 10 years and I would pay any amount of money to be back at.

Not being able to be present.

I think being present is a challenging thing for humans with a brain, because that is what the brain does. But I am watching… I was watching myself stand with my feet in the water, doing everything but being present.

And so then, as I’m, sorting through this weekend and realizing this is not gonna come from a challenge that I’m gonna put myself through of meditating a certain amount every day or checking a certain box. It is going to come from, first of all… And this is where I’m at right now. I’m gonna uncover more, but this is where I’m at.

First of all, existing out of my head and into my body, because when you get into your body, you are then present. And that’s gonna come moment by moment.

Another huge thing for me is my constant optimization can be very tricky So when I have certain thoughts like, okay, I’m at the creek, and I’m thinking about how I need to do these things, and I need to meditate more, and what I’m gonna do to fix the fact that I can’t be present. What I’m sitting there doing is criticizing myself, and I’m having these thoughts, and then I’m telling myself I’m wrong for having these thoughts, and then I’m resisting the thoughts.

And then guess what? The thoughts get louder. And I, I realize that is also a big opportunity for me is because I’m constantly optimizing. My brain works very black and white. It’s “This is right, and this is wrong,” and so if you’re doing this, we need to do this instead. There has to be a level of acceptance.

There ha- presence starts with the acceptance. And so instead of when I have those thoughts, what I normally would do and wanna do is criticize myself as a mom and not even like fully criticize that’s like obvious that I’m criticizing. Just be like, “Oh, no, we don’t have those thoughts. We don’t have thoughts about doing something different or, optimizing or, do…”

“We don’t have those. We’re gonna think about this. We’re gonna be present, damn it.” We’re gonna force ourselves to be present.” And I think one thing that I’ve realized is I can’t… It doesn’t happen that way. You’re not gonna be present, and you’re not gonna surrender through force. It is the opposite energy that gets you there.

And so now, when I’ve had these thoughts, I’ve had thoughts that I don’t wanna have. My brain is going and focusing on things I don’t wanna focus, and I catch myself going, “Oh you wanna be in a better energetic frequency. You shouldn’t be thinking those things.” No. Now I’m like, “Okay, you’re thinking these things.

Observe. Accept. See myself,” because my entire existence is most of the time self-abandonment. It’s most of the time going, “You feel this thing? You think this thing? Here’s why you’re wrong, and here’s the better thing you’re gonna think. We’re gonna force you to think this.” And my body’s “No, you’re not,” because this is real.

It doesn’t mean that all of our thoughts and our feelings are actually true in terms of the stories we create, but they’re real in that moment. And if you don’t, and this is what I’m learning, if you don’t accept them, if you don’t give them that space, if you resist them, they get louder. And the actual resistance then becomes the thing you get stuck on.

Because the thoughts and the feelings, they come pretty fast. It’s… And it’s so hard to catch because it happens in a microsecond. You have a thought, and then you turn it into this loop. And you turn it into this story, and then you start obsessing over it. That’s the piece that keeps you stuck. So what am I actually doing right now with this realization?

Not optimizing. I’m still living my life like normal, but, because that’s the thing. It doesn’t happen in the big change. And this is such a cliche thing to say, but it’s s- true. It’s like the difference and the change does not happen from this b- a big retreat, or I’m gonna start meditating hours a day.

H- here’s the thing, you guys. I’ve already done all that shit. I have gone through seasons, and I’m back doing it ’cause it does help me a lot, but meditating two hours a day. Joe Dispenza retreats. Bufo in Costa Rica. Microdosing. I’ve done all the shit, and I’m still here. And I think that is also the point because I think that it will just be another layer.

All the things that I’ve done are not wrong. They’ve led me to here, but then it’s c- coming back to the realization that it happens in the micro moments, and it takes an as- insane amount of awareness and presence to actually change. It’s why people don’t change. It’s exhausting. It’s so much easier to just keep being the same person every day.

It’s so much easier to stay in the same patterns. It’s so much easier to allow the voices and the programming to, to win. It doesn’t take any effort to do that. That’s subconscious. That just happens. This takes a ton of energy, and you’re like on this rollercoaster of one moment I’m back grounded and I feel good, and then another moment I’m frustrated, and then I’m frustrated that I’m frustrated and I’m … Okay, calm down the analyzing brain. So what am I doing r- what am I doing right now? It is so simple. This is what I’m doing. Number one is I do need some structure to get myself to take action, so whether or not this is the best thing, I don’t know. But I need an action ’cause it’s how my brain works.

Every day, I have to sit for at least 10 minutes with myself in the discomfort of the chasing and just observe without judgment when I sit with myself in the present moment, and I can’t even meditate. Because even doing a Joe Dispenza meditation that I do is giving me enough focus and enough distraction that now it’s like it’s an optimization.

I’m not sitting there chasing because I’m checking something off a box. And I wouldn’t say that I meditate to check off the box. I am really present and have really great meditations and experiences, but it’s still like this form of escaping sitting right with myself. So just 10 minutes a day. I’m still doing my meditation, but just 10 minutes a day I’m literally sitting there and I’m just putting full awareness on my body, not

Trying, trying to not be in my head, and my brain does start up, but when it does, observing it. And I am putting full awareness on w- just sitting face to face with that discomfort of… it makes me squirm when I sit there because I’m like, “This isn’t…” And I’ve gotten so much better, but there’s still that part of me that’s it’s not productive.

It’s not solving a problem.” Growing us.” I’m learning to listen so much better to my own inner voice that is not my brain, but my heart. And the thing is, your brain is way louder. Your heart is quiet and subtle, but your heart actually has the truth. And I learned that there’s 80% of our nerves go heart to brain, and only 20% brain to heart.

But yet our brain is so loud and so dominant that we usually are always in our head. And I struggle a lot with I overthink, and I have anxiety, and especially in relationships. I am the person that’s overthinking to the people I really care about a text message, and a tone in the text message, and did I…

i’m very perceptive. I’m very sensitive to other people. And so my small inner circle, I will abandon myself to make other people comfortable or still love me, is the story I tell. So I’m sitting with myself 10 minutes a day, and I’m learning to listen to that voice. And maybe it’ll be longer.

Who cares, 10 minutes a day? I’m trying to remove all structure like that. Maybe some days it’s longer. I’m learning to listen to that voice.

The other thing I’m doing is constant acceptance because I have been… My programming, and I think a lot of people relate to this, my programming is immediately there’s some voice or feeling or, story. And I do believe our thoughts and our stories are not truth, but underneath there usually is something that’s real and deserves acknowledgement.

And my programming is to immediately make myself wrong. So if I have any negative emotion, if I’m sad, if I’m angry, if I’m scared, I… It’s too overwhelming for me to feel those things. And so my brain comes in and overpowers and gives me all the reasons why I shouldn’t feel that way And it, this does work to an extent to live a great life, but then you’re constantly abandoning yourself, and you eventually have to face the emptiness and face the thing you’re running from.

And so the second thing that I’m doing is actually giving myself full permission. And when I have a thought, let’s say I’m like, “Oh, I’m really upset that this person did this.” Instead of going, which is what I do, which would be, “Here’s why they did it. Here’s their reason, and you’re wrong for thinking that.”

I’m going, “Of course, you’re upset about that.” What I would do to my kids, right? If my kids are feeling angry, I would hope that I’d be like, “It makes total sense that you’re angry about that. That is valid.” So we have to parent ourselves again. So those are the two things that I’m doing, and also consistently bringing myself back to the present moment and the beauty in the present moment.

Because I know that I need to literally rewire my nervous system to find joy and find peace in the small moments of the day and not constantly need the big things. Because I am chasing those big things, and like I said, they happen four or five times a year. The big live events, the big trip that we go on in the summer and we get to do all these adventures something new.

And so I… This is where it’s tricky because I’ve sat there, like in this week, and thought, “Okay, I just need to do more new things. I just need to go on more adventures. I just need to take my kids on more surprises.” I’m gonna take my oldest and we’re gonna go to Costa Rica, and I’m gonna not tell him, and then tell him the day before, and make it this whole big thing, and that makes me feel alive.

That makes me feel excited. But I shouldn’t need that to feel alive and to feel connected and to feel love. And right now, my old programming that I’m rewiring, I do. I need those big things. And so my goal my very non-linear structured goal

is to wake up on an every day and to feel completely satisfied and grateful and present in the moment, and to be able to make my tea in the morning and sit there with my kids and not be thinking about the next thing I have to do or how that is boring to me or not stimulating enough for me. Just to be able to be.

I wanna be able to be. I want to not thrive on doing all the time. And doing is amazing. I never want to lose this part of me. I am so grateful for this part of me that can do and achieve and make shit happen. Look at what it has created. And I can wake up every day and find gratitude 100%, but there’s like that emptiness that always is haunting me.

And I can’t ignore it anymore because I’ve gotten to the point where it’s like what else am I going to build? I don’t want anything else. Yes, I have goals. Yes, I have places I want to go, places I want to take the business and things I want to do, but they’re just not, they’re not fulfilling me anymore like it used to.

I want to wake up and I want to feel connected. I want to feel alive and I want to feel love within myself because I know when I feel that now, everything else doesn’t matter. Other people’s responses, all of it, it won’t matter anymore because I’m not seeking any validation. I’m not seeking any confirmation.

I’m not seeking love. I’m not seeking any of those things outside of myself. And that is the real work. Like that, I think when you get to that place in your life, you’ve healed. There’s never an end. There’s never an end, right? But we’re like onions peeling the layers. But I do think like that is a level of wholeness that I will get to.

And I appreciate the journey along the way. And I think that, I, here I go making, oh, like at the next level, because this has been my thought. Like you can’t have the next level of business until you do this. And I do believe that. I don’t think that I can have the next level business until I feel whole without it.

Because if we constantly chase from a place of lack, we can’t even hold what we are The last thing is, the unknown. And I’m realizing I talk about the unknown a lot on here, and it’s layers because I’m realizing that I’m terrified of the unknown. My brain is. My brain is terrified of the unknown and I’m constantly needing to go like, how will this work out?

And what will this person do? And this, and I think that I’ve realized when I actually heard Dispenza say this on a podcast that he was on, that his relationship with surrender is constantly changing and evolving. And basically the, he said that, but then I’m paraphrasing, he said basically the trust that you have in the unknown, is constantly evolving and having and we have to have, he said, to have one, one foot in the 3D world, which is where you do and you accomplish and you create, and one foot in the quantum world, which is where you trust in what you can’t see and what you can’t know, and you trust in that thing bigger than you, and I just love that because it’s yes, there’s such a value to the fact that like we are in the 3D, which in the 3D world, you’re here and in order to get something you have to do, you have to execute, you have to implement, you have to take action.

That is how we create. But then there’s also s- what we can’t see. And in that, there’s infinite possibilities. We can’t even understand how to… This is where like miracles or things that you can’t explain happen, and so have, you have one foot in both, where you are showing up and you are doing and you are executing and you are existing as the human that we are, but you also are trusting in what you can’t see.

So I’m leaning more on the trust. I’m really great at the doing. Like I’ve mastered that. That will always be a part of me. That is, I think, a gift I was given to create what I’m here to create in this life. I’m consistently evolving my relationship with surrender and trust and trusting what I can’t see, what I can’t even comprehend, what I can’t imagine because it hasn’t happened yet.

And as much as I tell myself, “Oh, it’s way better than you could ever imagine,” which is true, it’s been true every single time, as much as I tell myself that, I still try to find the control, I still try to find the known, I still try to find the certainty. And how do I evolve that?

I think it starts with that acceptance. It starts with you going, “Oh, okay, I see you. You’re trying to create predictability here. You’re scared. You are anxious about how someone’s gonna respond because of this story. I see that.” Feel it. And that’s where I’m at. It’s like I need to slow down my inner state so that I can actually learn what it’s like to be with me and who I am, like the essence of me.

Who am I? Who am I when you take all of the labels and everything away? And what would it feel like to truly from so deep inside of me- To love myself and need nothing else. that’s where I’m at. I don’t know the answer to that yet, but I am gonna figure it out. I’m on the journey of figuring it out, and it is a daily practice, and I will slip back.

I’ve had times where I’ve come on here, and I’ve probably said somewhat similar things and been like, “I’ve figured it out,” and then you fall into old patterns or things happen, we forget. I think our whole ex- our experience as a human is a remembering. Is a remembering that we are so loved by such a large force that you can’t even put into words, but we forget, and we think that the answers and the truth and the feelings and everything is outside of ourselves.

And so we go and we seek the relationships and the business and the success and the money and all the checklist accolades and all the things. And then we continually are given the reminder that outside of us, it nothing… It will never be sustainable in providing that wholeness as what we can within us.

So I have no idea if this made any sense or was just like, “Holy shit, Emily’s gone off the deep end.” I promise I’m actually really great. I’m alive. That’s how I feel today. That is how I feel today. I had… I worked through some big shit, like dark night of the soul, bawling, sitting with there was one point I was… I will sometimes talk to myself, talk to God when I’m by myself, and I was like, ” I hate myself,” I said. And I sat with that, and I was like, “I hate even saying that, but there is a part of me, there is a voice in me, that does feel that way.” And instead of going “No, that’s wrong, and you shouldn’t feel that way,” like, when I say that, I feel sad.

I feel grief over that. I feel sadness. But I have to sit with that and face it and not run from it. So right now, I feel alive, and I feel very grounded. I feel very grateful. I feel very present. And so I don’t know if this helped. If it did, you know what I would appreciate? Share the podcast with someone.

I went back and forth on if I was gonna do this episode, but I’m like, “This is what’s on my heart. Take it or leave it.” Zero marketing strategy in this episode. I’ll bring you some marketing strategy next one. But it i- it is very much on my heart, and I know entrepreneurs. We are all wired very similarly, and that wiring creates a lot of success.

But it also creates a lot of emptiness, and I think I’m also learning that all the things that create success in business and life, like achieving, do the opposite in relationships because you can’t optimize somebody else. And I’m talking all relationships, with your kids, with your partner, with friends.

You have to be. So I made this list that was, like, my May goals when I was flying home. One of them was being versus doing, more time in the quantum field, talk to God, smile at strangers, don’t rush. Those are my goals for the month, and I’m just in this place where I’m like, “If I can just be so present, I think magic is gonna unfold.”

So alright, everybody. Thanks for listening. This is very much healing to me, as I hope it is helpful to you. I appreciate this community so much. If this episode did touch you at all, I would love to hear. It does… It is very nice to hear that when you record a vulnerable episode and even more than that, I would love if you shared it with someone who you think would benefit from it.

Alright, guys, talk to you next time.