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When life throws you into the fire, come back stronger.

In this episode, I share a 4-step process I use to handle tough moments. When you’re not moving as fast as you’d like, or life forces you to change your plans, this is what I do to stay in momentum.

Be ready for some belief-shifting around “staying positive” and handling big emotions!

Key Takeaways

• What to do when failure or disappointment sets in
• Why “staying positive” is robbing you of emotional resilience
• How to reset stronger when life tests you

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READ THE EPISODE TRANSCRIPT

Emily Hirsh:

This concept is how to navigate when you don’t hit a goal. 50% of life is good and 50% is bad. The problem with it is this, if you skip this step, you are not really going to be being authentic with yourself. You are not gonna find that answer in fear. If you implement this, it will change your life.

Embodied CEOs don’t chase trends. They pave the way they lead from within. Move by purpose, unshaken by noise. When you are the source, you do not need permission. Hello everybody. Welcome back to the podcast. I hope you are all having an amazing week. I’m excited about today’s topic. It has come up several times in my recent coaching calls with my mastermind group, and it’s something that I think has made a huge difference for me in the last year, especially being a personality type that is a high performer.

Driven and easily able to tell myself, this is how it’s gonna be and you’re gonna make this deadline, you’re gonna do this thing. So it might be a quick episode, but I think it’ll give you something to think about in a different way than we normally are taught and that we normally think about it.

So essentially this concept is how to navigate when. You don’t hit a goal when you don’t, achieve something that you set out to when you are disappointed, when you’re frustrated, when you are feeling anything but happy, excited, and momentum inspired, and I was reminded of this saying, I think it was, I think it’s Brooke Castillo from the Life Coach School who talked about this concept.

I don’t know if it’s originally hers, but I love it, which is. 50% of life is good and 50% is bad. Now, I don’t love the terms good and bad necessarily, I think. But aside from that, 50% of life is the happy, inspired, excited, like positive emotions, and 50% is the frustrated, discouraged, rejected, all of those ones that we don’t wanna feel.

And that’s true for everybody, regardless of your success level. I think some people get out of balance in terms of like maybe sometimes they feel 80% of the negative emotions, 20% good. Regardless, like no matter what you do in life, you’re going to have the 50% on either side. Again, seasons you might have different.

What that does though is it shifts the perspective from which I think a lot of people have, which is everything’s supposed to be good all the time. I’m supposed to feel happy. I’m supposed to feel inspired. I’m supposed to feel in love. I’m supposed to feel all these positive emotions all the time. And when I don’t, then something’s wrong.

When we look at it and say, life is just life, and we are going to have situations where we feel frustrated, we feel discouraged, we feel angry, we feel all these things. Okay, so note that. Now when that happens, here’s something I notice, and here’s something that I. Used to do and still catch myself doing because those states of being are not enjoyable.

And if you are a high performer, especially you are used to saying, we can’t feel that way because we have a goal to meet. And so we’re gonna resist that and we’re gonna force ourselves to focus on the good. And this is where like toxic positivity comes in and. In one way, it can feel like, oh, that’s a productive thing to tell myself like, it’s fine that I didn’t meet that goal, or I didn’t hit that number, or we didn’t complete that project on time, or we, whatever, and let me just focus on the good.

The problem with it is this, if you skip this step, you are not really going to be being authentic with yourself in. Going where you wanna go and showing up how you wanna show up. And that step is acceptance. And this took me so long to learn this. I think at one point I did share this on the podcast when I interviewed Samson, a mentor of mine, because there was a time period where like we did a session and that was the focus and it like clicked for me of oh.

That’s all I have to do some of these times. If I just do that, then I can focus on where I’m going. So let me bring this to a real example. I had two different coaching scenarios where one, the entrepreneur didn’t hit a goal. They didn’t launch something in the time that they wanted to launch. It took longer.

They didn’t have the support on their team, and they had this like expectation, they were set for themselves that they were going to do this on this date and time, and they didn’t. And so they felt the shame and the disappointment in themselves and they’re not good enough, and they felt all these emotions.

The other one hit a or had a launch that made sales, but not quite where she wanted it. And it was causing pressure for her. It was causing stress. It’s causing pressure. And in both of them what you see the natural response of the brain to do is to not want to feel any of those things. It doesn’t wanna feel the fear, it doesn’t wanna feel the disappointment, it doesn’t wanna feel the frustration.

And so it’s going like it’s there and it’s in their body, but they’re like, I’ll just focus on the next launch, or I’m gonna focus on this. I’m gonna focus on my, what I’m doing next. I’m gonna focus on how I’m gonna bring in the revenue. And to both of them, what I say is, first, can you just accept.

That you’re where you’re at. Can you just accept that you feel disappointed that you didn’t hit that launch? Can you just accept that you feel frustrated at where your monthly cash flow is right now, and that you feel afraid of what that. I’ll give you one more example. There was an attendee at our live, at my live event and she has quite this story and was working on building up her business from the beginning.

And at a point in the event, found herself getting really overwhelmed because she realized all that needed to happen and felt like, oh my gosh, I can’t do this all. And she was feeling these feelings of overwhelm and we were on a break and I was talking to her and she was emotional and I said. I am not even gonna give you advice.

Like I’m not even going to sit here and tell you like, we’ll come up with a plan like that. Can’t come yet. Okay? Yes. We’ll come up with a plan. Yes. We’ll get into the tactical details, right? But before we can do that, I want you to sit out here. She was sitting out in the sun and one of our breaks. I want you to sit here for the next five minutes of our break and I want you to actually just sit with the fact that you feel overwhelmed and I want you to actually welcome that overwhelm.

In your body and let yourself feel it. Because here’s what happens. It’s like kids, right? When a kid is mad or angry, they just express it and it’s done. When an animal has, a reaction and they’re scared or they’re mad, like they, they shake it off like they do certain things to like process that out.

If we do not do that, it becomes stuck and that’s where we have to do breath work and we have to do things to. To shift that. My point being, most of the time I see an entrepreneur, they are when they are experiencing negative emotions because they don’t want to, because they. Live to be in momentum. They live to be feeling successful, feeling productive, feeling like they’re moving forward.

And if they don’t feel like that, it feels like death When they are met with the situations that cause them to feel anything but the positives, they resist it. And they try to shove it down and they try, they, they go to focusing on the next thing that feels like, okay, it would be productive to focus on the plan.

It’d be productive to focus on where we’re going to focus on how we’re gonna shift based on this. But the problem is if you don’t accept it first, all of that is just gonna stay with. And so in all of these instances, and it’s not like a big deal. It’s not oh, you need to spend, two weeks accepting it, right?

No. Like literally one or two minutes. You just need to sit there and say, can I accept that? I feel this way? And let yourself be seen for where you are honestly at without making it mean anything. Because the reality is when you feel something, it’s just a feeling. It has no meaning to it unless you give it meaning.

And those feelings are true or they are real, but the meaning that you make behind it, the stories that you make behind it is not true. So you can say, I feel disappointed. Let’s use this example of the client who was stressed about cash, because I think that’s a very common thing that all of us entrepreneurs have, right?

And she was going to like, this is where my brain is going. Do I need to get a job? Am I cut out for this business? Like all these thoughts, right? None of those are true. None of those are reality. And what is reality though? What is true inside of her is I feel scared, I feel frustrated. Can you be with that and actually allow yourself to be seen in that just for a moment.

And just accept it because the moment you do, it’s like setting down the swords of you trying to fight it and be like I don’t wanna feel this way. And then you can go, okay, from that place of, now I fully see myself, now I’m not in this chaotic fight or flight state. Where are we going? And what is true?

And she said to me like sometimes I don’t know should I go get consulting jobs? Maybe I shouldn’t have a business. And she’s saying all these things. And I said, the reality is only you know the answer to that. I can’t give you the answer to that. You know the answer to that, but you’re not gonna find that answer in fear.

You’ve gotta accept where you’re at, trust that you’re going to always be okay and then move forward. So I do this a lot with myself now. I just had an example yesterday. I had a more like personal situation that triggered me. It triggered actually like feelings of shame in me and I was like five minutes from having to get in two and a half hours of meetings.

And so obviously I couldn’t process in that moment, but I noticed it come up. I noticed myself feel those, these feelings and want to really just hide, cry for a minute and. I literally said to myself, I was like, I think I even said it out loud. I was like at the computer, okay, you’re going to get on these meetings.

You have coaching call, you have team meetings. You’ve got two and a half hours of meetings, and then you’re gonna feel this. So I did. I got on the calls. I was fine. Great. But I wasn’t like avoiding, I guess you could say compartmentalized it for a second. Had to, because of my day, and then I.

I got in my car and drove, and I sat in my car for 10 minutes before I went in the gym and I ba, did like a small meditation, but really was just letting myself feel. And I even wrote in my notes app, here’s how I feel. And I just wrote it out, processed it enough, allowed myself to see myself, went into the gym, did my workout, and I feel neutral to it now, but the old me would have.

Try to logically talk myself out of why I shouldn’t feel that way. You know what I mean? When you feel one of these negative emotions, like especially shame, shame is one of the worst feelings, and you logically are trying to tell yourself why you shouldn’t feel that way. At least I do this of I feel this way, but here’s why you shouldn’t, because here’s the good things, here’s the bad things, here’s the truth, here’s where you’re gonna defend yourself.

You know what I’m saying? Like you have these emotions and then your brain’s let me tell you how you should really feel, and your body’s but we feel this way. So my point being, the next time something comes up. In your business, in your life, I want you to practice giving yourself a moment. I’m not kidding.

It’s minutes. It is so short of saying, can I welcome and can I accept and be with whatever it’s, and then actually just be with it for a period of time. And then once you do that, you can ask yourself, okay, now how do I wanna show up? How do I wanna move forward? What are the decisions I need to make?

And your brain can then come in and make those decisions, but you have to give yourself space for that acceptance. And this is such a key strategy because I feel that especially high performers, we are really good at overriding this. Really good at saying, oh no, we’re not gonna feel, disappointed or scared here.

We’re gonna just ignore that. We’re gonna put blinders onto that and we’re gonna focus on the good and we’re gonna focus on where we’re going. And the thing is that only will work for so long. And so I learned this and it was like, it’s such a powerful thing and it’s even something that I do with my kids.

Because for whatever reason, it is so unnatural for us to just actually accept negative emotions or accept Yeah, negative emotions like we, we run from them. And what would it be like if we were just like, oh, this is just the human experience. It’s 50% positive, 50% negative, regardless of your status, regardless of what you do, regardless of your life.

And so there’s nothing wrong. When I feel overwhelmed, defeated, shame, scared, whatever, it’s just the human experience, can I just allow myself to feel that? Now again though, allowing yourself to feel it doesn’t mean buying the thoughts and buying the beliefs that are behind it. Those are the things that are not true.

Those are the things that once you have awareness, you can choose a different reality. This example of this client who was saying, should I get a job and what does this mean? And all of those things. What was true for her was the feelings of fear. The feelings of disappointment. The feelings of inadequacy.

What was not true was the meaning she put behind that. I love the saying it is, period. It is. And that. I am feeling this and it, that’s all it means. There’s no meaning about the future or the past or who I am or how I can show up or what I’m capable of. It is, that’s it. And that’s where you gotta catch yourself, because if you’re not careful, what will happen is emotions are what dictate everything.

It’s feelings, beliefs, thoughts, and then your actions. So when you feel these emotions, if you’re not aware of them, if you don’t allow yourself to have that awareness and have that moment of just like seeing them for what they are, they will dictate the beliefs. They will dictate the thoughts that you have, and those dictate your actions.

And before you know it, all of that’s happening subconsciously from a state of fear, from a state of shame, from a state of inadequacy and driving you playing small, deciding you can’t do something or you’re not good enough. Without you even realizing it and now it’s running your reality. But before you can choose the beliefs and the thoughts you want, which is what a lot of people, I think also skip over is they’re like, I create my reality.

I can choose the beliefs and the thoughts that I want and become this person, but they’re like running from this entire side of themselves that they feel and eventually catches up. When you feel resistance, it is an invitation to pause. And I use resistance now as such a feedback for myself.

When I feel resistance in my personal life, when I feel resistance to going to do something, when I feel resistance to a business decision, I pause and I like, I sit there and I ask myself like, what is here for me? What is the lesson? What is the message? The old me would push through resistance, and that was my identity.

It was like, oh. This, I’m resisting this. Watch me do it anyways. And it’s a powerful trait, and there’s a difference between pushing through discomfort and pushing through resistance. I think it’s very powerful to push through discomfort. I think when you come over into pushing through resistance, you’re now overriding your truth.

So resistance is one of the best. Pieces of feedback you can become attuned to, because usually there’s a reason, and it can be small, like sometimes I’m like, oh, I’ll give you an example. I didn’t do my CrossFit competition. I had to drop out of it, and I wanted to still do something that weekend because my friend was supposed to come with me and stay the night.

It was a traveling competition. And so we had this plan and I was like, let’s still do something. But there was resistance to me like doing two nights and figuring out what it was, and I couldn’t make a decision and so I actually just sat with what’s the resistance and what do I actually want?

And then got clear on the fact that I wanted to work all day Friday and get a day back of work. I wanted to be with my kids Friday night. I wanted to do something with her Saturday. So anyways, it’s a small thing, but if I would’ve just like. Gone with whatever and ignored the resistance. I would’ve ended up in a weekend not doing what I wanted to do, not doing what was aligned for me.

And this comes up all the time in the business, like we’re rolling out new things and if I feel a little bit of resistance to it, instead of just ignoring it or overriding it, I am like, why is it there? There’s something always there within the resistance, but you’ve gotta accept the resistance first.

You have to acknowledge it and accept it before you can see what it has to teach you. So acceptance is that first piece that so many of you and including myself, try to run from because our brain does not wanna experience the negative emotions. So think about this, the next time you have something in your life where you know you’re feeling one of those negative emotions and can you just, it is such a small shift.

It’s like just a tiny shift that shifts the entire trajectory. Can you just accept. Where you’re at for a moment and you will see that by just doing that, most of it dissolves and doing it without judgment and without the meanings. Become the observer and watch yourself try to make meaning. Watch yourself have the thoughts, but don’t make them reality ’cause they’re not reality.

Just become the observer. Accept where you’re at and this will change your life. Like seriously, if you implement this, it will change your life, especially if you’re built like me, where again, like the old me, I would just plow right through it. Be like, oh, you feel this. We’re doing it Anyways, that was my identity and again, like you’re, when you do that, you’re, you are missing out actually on truth and potential.

That’s right there for you. All right, everybody. Short episode today, but I thought this would be a little helpful tip because entrepreneurs, we run into these things all the time and we can’t run from them. All right. I’ll talk to y’all next week.